How To Conclude A Diversity Essay Example

by Sophie Herron of Story to College

 

Last Friday we worked on how to identify your Pivot, the key moment or climax of your college essay, as the first step to make sure your essay meets the three requirements of the form: that your college essay needs to be short and energetic, and reveal your character.

 

Today, we’re going to jump right into the next step of revising your essay: The End. We’ll look at the most important dos and don’ts, and 5 techniques you can use in your own essay.

 

We’re working on the end today because:

1. It’s harder to get right than the beginning. Sorry. It just is.

2. Having a good, clear ending helps you write & revise the rest of your story.

3. It’s the last thing an admissions officer will read, so it’s especially important.

 

All right, enough chatter. On to the good stuff.

 

The Most Important Do and Don’t of College Essay Endings

DO: End in the action.

 

End right after your pivot, or key moment. I constantly tell students to end earlier–end right next to your success! (Whatever “success” means, in your particular essay.) Think of the “fade-to-black” in a movie–you want us to end on the high, glowy feeling. End with the robot’s arm lifting, or your call home to celebrate, or your grandma thanking you. Then stop. Leave your reader wanting more! Keep the admissions officer thinking about you.

In fact, that’s why we call successful endings Glows here at Story To College, because that’s exactly how you want your admissions officer to feel. Glowy. Impressed. Moved. Inspired. Don’t ruin the moment.End earlier.

 

DON’T: Summarize.

Here’s your challenge: don’t ever say the point of your essay. Cut every single “that’s when I realized” and “I learned” and “the most important thing was…” Every single one. They’re boring, unconvincing, and doing you no favors.

 

When you tell the reader what to feel, or think, you stop telling a story. And then the reader stops connecting with you. And then they stop caring. Don’t let this happen. Don’t summarize.

 

But if you don’t–how do you end?

5 Ways to Powerfully End Your College Essay

 

1. Dialogue.

Did someone tell you good job, or thank you, or congratulate you? Did you finally speak up, or get something done? Put it in dialogue. It’s a powerful way to end. In fact, it’s an easy revision of those “I learned…” sentences earlier. So you learned to never give up?

 

“Hey mom,” I said into my phone. “Yeah, I’m not coming home right away–I’ve got practice.”

BOOM. Look at that.

2. Action

Here’s a simple example:

I pushed open the door, and stepped inside.

 

Even without context, you can tell this student took a risk and committed to something. It’s all in the actions.

 

3. Description

Maybe you want to end in a mood, or by creating a wider view of things, or by focusing in on a certain important object.

 

The whole robot shuddered as it creaked to life and rolled across the concrete floor. It’s silver arm gently grasped the upturned box, and then, lifted it.

 

There’s some combination here with action, but that’s perfectly fine.

 

4. Go full circle.

Did you talk to someone at the beginning? You might end by talking to them again. Or if you described a certain object, you might mention it again. There are lots of ways to end where you began, and it’s often a really satisfying technique.

 

5. Directly address the college.

Tell them what you’re going to do there, or what you’re excited about. I did this, actually in mine–something like:

 

And that’s why I’m so excited about the Core Curriculum: I’m going to study everything.

This technique breaks the “don’t tell them what your essay is about” rule–but only a little. Be sure to still sound like yourself, and to be very confident in your plans.

That’s all! Be sure to check out “Success Stories” (again, here)  if you haven’t yet for more examples of each of these techniques.

 

Next, we’ll look at beginnings!

 

In the meantime, check out these great resources:

 

NEW: Essay Feedback

 

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ADDITIONAL TIME SLOT

Breaking Down Supplements

 

Due to demand, we’re having another webinar this Tuesday. Register for our FREE webinar October 22, from 7-8 pm.

 

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Sophie Herron taught high school English in Houston, Texas, at KIPP Houston High School through Teach For America. Since then, she received her MFA in Poetry from New York University, where she was a Goldwater Fellow, instructor of Creative Writing, and Managing Editor of Washington Square Review, the graduate literary journal. She continues to teach as an instructor at Story To College and as a teaching artist with the Community-Word Project. She is a poet and podcaster.

Graduate programs are always looking for students with distinct backgrounds to help diversify their classes, so being a minority, immigrant, or another underrepresented demographic could be just what you need to set yourself apart from the rest of the applicant pool. Many schools include a question on their application asking you how you will contribute to the diversity of their class (sometimes this is framed as a “diversity statement,” sometimes as a “personal history statement” or other type of essay – the key thing is, they want to know about YOU: what makes you unique, what your values are, what obstacles you may have had to overcome to get where you are today).

When you write your essay, make sure that you highlight the experiences that have shaped you and the strengths you can bring to the school due to your diverse background and lifestyle.

Some of these unique strengths or experiences may include:

 

Facing adversity

One aspect of your diverse background is overcoming obstacles. Are you a member of an underrepresented group? A first generation student? Have you overcome socioeconomic (or other) barriers to education? When mentioning your diversity factor, be sure to highlight any difficulties that you went through as a result of being the odd (wo)man out. This is not an attempt to rally sympathy or plea for pity. Instead, you should illustrate the strengths and skills you have developed as a result of these struggles. Accentuate any character traits that you feel you have built through the adversity and use examples of skills that you currently possess because of these trials.

Displaying cultural breadth

Demonstrate to the admissions committee that you hold a unique set of ideas thanks to your heritage, and elaborate on how these diverse concepts and beliefs can benefit the student body by broadening perspectives and widening tolerance and scope.

Demonstrating varied skill sets

Naturally, various cultures will highlight different values. This is important to a school admissions committee because diverse values will facilitate diverse skills and strengths. Maybe your culture is very family-oriented, focusing on respect, communication, and partnership. These are all critical skills that a graduate student will need for success. Perhaps your culture emphasizes teamwork, perseverance, and mutual understanding. Once again, these are key factors for a productive career in business, education, law, medicine, and many others. Your goal should be to highlight how your unique cultural values have developed these invaluable skills within you, already preparing you to be the best student and professional possible. Maybe one aspect of your identity is bound up in the language(s) that you speak – do those same languages also give you the tools to cross cultural boundaries and work with people around the globe?

Sharing new perspectives

Even if you are a male, Caucasian, third-generation American, you can still illustrate your diversity in other areas. If you have served in the military, traveled to a remote area of the world, taken part in an outstanding event, group, or cause, or had an unusual experience of any sort, play up the distinct impressions, opinions, and perspectives that the involvement cultivated within you. Then, show the admissions committee how you can bring this fresh perspective to the campus for greater diversity in thought across the campus.

Looking for more guidance on how to hone in on your strengths and uniqueness to illustrate to the adcom why you are an ideal candidate for their school? Get your free copy of From Example to Exemplary: How to Use Sample Essays to Make Your Essay Outstanding for more advice on writing an out-of-this-world essay that will get you ACCEPTED.

 


About Linda Abraham:

Accepted.com has guided thousands of applicants to acceptances at top universities since 1994 – they know what works and what doesn’t, so follow Linda Abraham on Google+ and contact Accepted to get started or visit Accepted.com for all your admissions consulting needs today!

 

 

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